Stalking Is A Lifetime Job
by Hasaji
Summary: For the past decade, Kabukichou and its people have changed for the better. But not all things have to be better. Sakata Gintoki's hair is still white and is becoming whiter. He is still a good-for-nothing old geezer and a single as ever. And who will ever thought that Sacchan's stalking tendency will border forever? Gintoki X Sacchan.


TITLE: Stalking Is Life Time Job  
PAIRING: Gintoki Sakata X Ayame Sarutobi  
GENRE: Comedy/ Romance  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gintama. Sorachi ''Gorilla-sensei'' Hideaki owns this awesome story. (ง ͠ ͠° ل͜ °)ง

NOTE: Spoiler alert. Apologies in advanced. Grammatical errors and OOCness ahead.

* * *

He was used to people coming and going in his life. But, being alone, sometimes, it was hard to pretend that everything was fine. Especially when you were getting old. Suddenly you felt like going "emo" and wear eyeliner. Sakata Gintoki was alone, sitting on his thriving wooden chair, thinking of buying the latest JUMP issue for Wam Peace, but for some reason, dropped the thought because suddenly, he didn't feel like going outside. He stood up from the chair and looked outside the window of his old apartment.

The sky was clear.

As he stared down, he saw the people of Kabukichou. All of them looked happy that he wondered what the heck was with this ordinary day. It was as if everyday, there was a celebration. No fights. Everything was at peace. No idiots walking around and making mucus.

The battle between humans and groups of Amantos that made the town suffered, several years ago, would not happen anymore. That was what Gintoki made sure, when he fought alongside his comrades-no more bloodshed for the upcoming generation-they would definitely have a bright future ahead and would be free from any harm. However, in order to achieve such environment, something inevitable had to happen.

Eight years had passed, he could still remember vividly what transpired in the country of Samurai. Pools of blood, sea of dead bodies, as if the Pacific Ocean was painted in red. Battle cries, children being left behind. He thought that the long clash would never cease, until four years or-so. Natives of the earth was finally disenthralled from the birdcage of the foreigners. He and his friends were among the crowds who fought and led humanity to victory against the Amanto government.

Yes, it was a big success. He should have been in bliss at that time. However he couldn't. Because among the casualties were the people whom Sakata Gintoki held dear.

He wished he kept their lives safe. If he had just more power. If he just had accepted the offer of Toyako Hermit in episode 89. He could have been much stronger and saved them all.

However, if a certain Gorilla (the one who draws) did not decide to kill off those characters, what happened won't happen. He'd better find a way to search for that creature and behead the head that was hiding beneath his boxers. It was that Gorilla that made the white-haired Samurai lonely. All his life, Gintoki had experienced many losses. That son of his mother and father must have been holding some grudge against his main character because why in the world was he written this way:

He who shall not be blessed with parents; he who shall not be granted with woman;

he shall brawl with his friend in the form of Yakult-idiot; he who shall have a master

that would be the most important person to him, then, make him kill his master

and suffer for years, and after many years they will reunite, and it will turn out that

his master is the ultimate villain in the series. Then, he shall suffer more.

Have his friends killed, with him watching.

It was like some sort of commandments that would make even Napoleon a bitch. However, despite those damn adversaries, he was able to keep his sanity in tact. Why was he not rewarded? Why was he the only character who didn't have company until now?!

Apparently, the noisy Yato kid that was residing inside his cabinet had grown some boobs, finally became a woman, and was taken away by Sofa-kun along with the skull-eating dog. He didn't know what happened, but whatever it was. After all, it was Souichiro-kun who takes care of her now, so he was confident the Yato was safe. He heard that the tax robber fulfilled his promise he made in episode 280, chapter 456, the infamous boat scene and… whatever it was. The monster of a couple had two children—Souichiro and Kaguya—who he babysitted every now and then if their parents were busy. They were also at the level of monsters. He had to say that those brats were as dangerous as their parents were. They had the tendency to break his old apartment once they get excited. They would render him broke.

Meanwhile, the talking eyeglasses miraculously got involved with someone. It was a girl whom he could called "Pattsuan Girl Version", because she looked a lot like him. He wondered if they were really meant to be to the point of having almost identical face or they were long-lost relatives. On the other hand, Shinpachi's flat-chested onee-chan, also found a man whom she could torture... take care for life, and had three children. He was worried about that husband's health.

The rest of the gang had their own lives now. Some got married and brats, some stayed single and were stuck with their job, some were sent to heaven…

Including the former queen of Kabukichou.

He sighed. The world had change and it kept on changing day by day. His arthritis was getting worse, his silver hair was getting whiter like the old hags used to have, the time had been more peaceful, although, the people were not the same and the atmosphere was much... more... more quiet. After all the changes around, here he was… still the Shiroyasha Gintoki Sakata, a good-for-nothing geezer, a 40-year-old virgin.

He could not just admit it to himself, but he felt kind of… frustrated.

"My, my, Gin-san. You're in deep thought. Have you finally realized how lucky you are to be the sword of my scabbard?"

He didn't have to take a look who just spoke because for the last nearly two decades, he had been hearing that voice almost every day. If they were still in their prime, he could have his sword thrown at the ceiling and that person would have fallen. A certain ex-ninja and perverted woman, after years and years and years, still failed to display some chastity. He directed his dead fish eyes at the spot where he "felt" she was hiding.

"You, old hag," he greeted her. Yes, it was a greeting. "You're nearly forty, but you still don't have a life. Pitiful," he remarked. It was rather a dark humor that he had, even at that age.

"You're nearly forty, but you're still a virgin. How shameful," the ninja rebutted, mocking him. "If you just didn't give me a reason to end up our relationship before..."

"As if we had a relationship, bitch!" He shouted like the straight man he was back when the gang was complete.

He grabbed his resting bokuto from the wall, and threw it, targeting the huge porcelain jar opposite his side. The vase cracked, revealing the lavender-haired woman dressed in a pink kimono with Sakura patterns. She was wearing her old pair of red glasses, hair was in bun, her love-struck face never failed to annoy him.

"You're still the same. Plain looking with no trademark. You don't know when to give up, do you?"

As soon as he finished his sentence, the woman stood up and did the thing she used to do to him in the past—Sarutobi Ayame once again harassed Sakata Gintoki. Usually, he would shove her off and tie her up (because now that they grew old, he couldn't just beat her anymore whenever he was pissed, it might cause her early death), but today, he didn't feel like doing it. He let her clung to him for who-knows time.

"Oi, oi. I've been stressed for several days, don't make any additional crap," instead that was what he afforded to say.

This woman, being used to be pounded, was surprised by him being "gentle" today.

"Oro," she said whose face was currently buried in his armpit. ''Are you sick? Why won't you push me away?''

He felt her get excited.

''Gin-san!'' It was followed by her annoying screeched that he had to cover his ears.

''Stop squeaking, you're like a dying pig,'' he said with irritation. ''Don't make my hair any whiter.''

The woman stopped and silently stayed under his arms. He wondered when she would ever behave properly because it was as if the time had not passed for her. On the good side, however, there were few changes with their interaction. Aside from regularly beating her up in the past that he couldn't do anymore, they weren't as chaotic like they used to. She had toned down a little, although far from changing her fan girling, obsessive stalking over him, but lately, he could have a decent conversation with her. He, now, surprisingly could take her seriously. Even though she usually didn't have the "humanly behavior", she had something sensible to say. Like when he was sulking over Kagura's marriage. The woman was in serious mode that day and he was surprised she didn't squeal when she saw him. Instead, she told him:

"Now, Kagura-chan finally found her happiness.

Isn't the role of her family send her off with a big smile,

be happy for her, and support her instead of brooding over?

You, Gin-san, of all people, should be."

Since that day, he was enlightened that Sarutobi Ayame was more than a silly perverted, masochist stalker bitch. She was just a pervert, after all. And, a masochist.

"Gin-san, when are you taking me as your girlfriend?'' He heard her say beneath him. "I'm growing older, my knees are getting weaker, you know. I might not able to withstand—"

"Shut up. I'd rather marry a pig," he replied.

Girlfriend. Wife. Marriage. Something that he had never given a thought about. He felt that those concepts were not suited for him. He couldn't imagine himself having a wife and a child of his own. Imagine some brat, calling him "father". Imagine a woman, calling him "honey" or "darling" or "love". Nevertheless, thrice upon a time, there were cases when, first, he was mistaken as a dad, allegedly seeding a boy who exactly looked like him. Everybody lost their shit. But, it turned out that the father of the child was the one whom he had resemblances to. He suddenly wondered about that child. That Nappo surely grew up as a nice man. Second, there was an instance when a certain blonde courtesan, who had a beautiful mark on her face, called him "honey". According to the chapter and OVA, he fell in love with her. He happened to sniffed the love incense of whatever was that crap... some sort of spell. And there was a time when a flat-chested, yandere woman, who had the strength of a gorilla, purchased his service, and told him to fake an engagement with him. That false pretense was made to dishearten a lesbian who was head-over-heels in love with the woman. The second incident with that flat-chested yandere was way back in the early chapter of the manga, when he was mistaken for her freakin' lover and he had to fight the Gorilla of the Shinsengumi also known as Isao Kondo. He wasn't even giving a shit with that love crap at that time.

These people… one has a family and is running a dojo, one has a lover and is a dedicated Yoshiwara guard, the lesbian… he heard she is married to someone, and the Gorilla... he miraculously fell in love with someone other than the yandere woman.

Gintoki was proud, they were all grown-ups.

"Gin-san~" he was disarray with his thought when he heard that flirty, airy voice. "I heard that Tsukki is finally getting married. And Otae-san is also married with three children!" She cheerfully said.

He rolled his eyes.

"I'm the only one available. I'm one hell of a beautiful geezer, and most of all… I'm a virgin," she was about to kiss him when he stopped her with his two fingers stuck in her nose.

"And?" he said nonchalantly. Cross-popping veins popped in his head.

"You have no choice," she spread her arms. "Take me."

He nearly snorted. She was annoyingly ridiculous. "MADAO is still alive."

She got off his armpit and faced him. "Eh?!" She had the look of someone nearly taking off her own eyeballs. "Gin-san… Don't tell me…"

Well, it seemed once an idiot is forever an idiot.

銀魂  
To be continued


End file.
